This article appeared in the Columbian Newspaper on January 8, 2003.
It is posted here by permission of the Columbian.
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CHAPLAINS BEAR SAD TIDINGS AND COMFORT THE SURVIVORS OF TRAGEDY

Wednesday, January 8, 2003
By KELLY ADAMS, Columbian staff writer

One little boy stands out among the hundreds of people Jim Ellifritt has met as a chaplain.

Five years ago, Ellifritt was called to a halfway house where a woman and her boyfriend had died from a drug overdose. Dylan, the woman's 5-year-old son, found the bodies.

"He was just a skinny little dark-haired boy," Ellifritt recalled. "He kept saying, 'Mommy's going to be OK.'"

When it became clear his mother wasn't going to be OK, it was up to Ellifritt to break the news.

"We got him a teddy bear, and I told him, 'Your mom died last night,'" Ellifritt said.

For the next two hours, Ellifritt cradled the sobbing boy while the child's grandparents made the drive from the coast.

"All he wanted was a normal life," Ellifritt said, his eyes welling with tears at the memory. "The only thing he wanted was for his mom to be OK."

Ellifritt is the director of the County-Wide Chaplaincy program.

He supervises a team of chaplains that responds to major accidents, fires and homes where someone has died. They provide support and information, and are often asked to notify loved ones about a death.

Most of the chaplains are motivated by strong faith. Ellifritt and several of the other chaplains are ordained ministers.

But advocating for a religion is not their focus when they are working with bereaved families.

"Most of the time what we're trying to do is get their support system in place," Ellifritt said. That can mean contacting their minister or out-of-town family members.

It's a task Bill Dunlap, a firefighter with Clark County Fire District 6, is glad someone else does.

"I'd rather go into a million burning buildings than do a death notification," he said.

Besides taking care of what can be the hardest part of a call, the chaplains also provide emotional support to the firefighters. When Bob Allen, a District 6 firefighter, died in a snowmobile accident last year, Ellifritt showed up at the fire station to help Allen's grieving co-workers.

Vancouver Police Sgt. Mike Knotts said the combination of the chaplains and the Trauma Intervention Program, a team of trained volunteer counselors, takes a great burden off the police.

"We just don't have the resources to sit there with the people who are really grieving," he said.

Ellifritt said he's seen a whole range of reactions during death notifications.

"I've had people hitting me; I've had people screaming in my face," he said.

On a call to the family of a 20-year-old girl who had committed suicide, there was an opposite reaction.

"The dad said, 'Thank you, I don't need any help. We expected this to happen,'" Ellifritt said.

As a father of three, Ellifritt struggled with the stoicism of the response.

"But we don't know the whole history," he points out, explaining that the chaplains work to be nonjudgmental. "Life can get pretty ugly sometimes."

Clark County Sheriff's Sgt. Craig Hogman said police officers often lack formal training in how to deal with grief. A chaplain helps fill that gap.

"When a uniformed officer is in the home people think they've done something wrong," Hogman said.

There are times when the person being helped is a suspect. Hogman said the chaplains are able to help the bereaved without interfering in the investigation.

Ellifritt said that situation can be a delicate balance.

"We're walking on a tightrope," he said. "That changes the way I minister to people."

The chaplains have a good understanding of police work, said Knotts.

"They're great to work with; they don't interfere at all with us," Knotts said. He particularly appreciates Ell Loney, a retired police officer who is now a chaplain. Loney said he enjoys working more directly with victims than he did as a police officer.

"We're just there to help those people," Loney said. "We try to keep them breathing as they get through the process."

Part of the process for the chaplains is to know when to let go.

Ellifritt last saw Dylan, who found his mother dead, when the little boy got in the car with his grandparents. That's as it should be, he said.

"Nobody becomes the best friend of the bearer of bad news," Ellifritt said.

COUNTY-WIDE CHAPLAINCY
* What: A 24-hour crisis intervention ministry. The chaplains work with emergency services to assist those affected by trauma, such as fires, car accidents and deaths in the home.
* Funding: Some of the chaplains are paid while others donate their time. All costs are paid by donations.
* Contact: 21609 N.E. 72nd Ave., Battle Ground, WA 98604. Phone 360-573-7127.

Kelly Adams covers social issues for The Columbian. Reach her at 360-759-8016 or e-mail kelly.adams@columbian.com.

Note: This was posted here with the permission of the Columbian.